Recently someone expressed regrets to something she did a fews years ago. Lets call her “Tracy” ( Not real name ). Tracy said that she cheated on her husband with a married man. In earlier years , Tracy had cherished their marriage and considered her self lucky to have a good husband. Lets call him X .What then happened down the road that she could cheat on him?
I asked Tracy the same question and she gave me her response. She was not receiving the same good treatment from X as she did before and the “emotional connection” between them had waned. He also constantly expressed anger over simple things which causes fear in her when around him. She finds it difficult to express her emotions and feelings to him which is also affecting their intimacy. Husbands are told in Ephesians 5: 25 to love their wives the way christ loved the church. Love maintains a line of communication between spouses and comes along with many other good things.
Tracy did not tell me her role in the communication break down with X. She had not yet even told him of the infidelity. Hopefully she will find courage to share that fact with him as they work towards healing/mending their relationship. However she said that she liked her encounter with the married man because of the special care he gave her ; he made her feel valuable and provided a welcoming environment. I find that this is one of the main reasons for cheating; as a relationship struggles with problems, another seemingly “better” person shows up to solve at least the emotional issues. Even though X had a role to play in this infidelity, Tracy also had a contribution by deciding not to talk about it with him.
Tracy also said that she constantly turned down X`s intimate requests and advances. I told her how this hurts spouses so much since they expect this need to be met by their partners. She seemed to be surprised by what I told her. However, in the conversation, I noted she did not have interest in X any more. She however continues to leave with him and their children as the other man is married to someone else.
I shared with her ideas of how she can help to change all this. My prayers go to their relationship.
Unfaithfulness comes about due to many reasons; lack of communication, lack of trust, waning love and affection etc. Sometimes only one partner is the cause but in many other cases both partners contribute to it to varying extents. Praying together, forgiveness, talking about problems and supporting one another go along way to help married couples to go through tough times and remain faithful to each other and God.